Passionately in…

Despite there being many emotions, a few stand out that have made the “popular” list: Sad, mad, happy, and hate. Hatred is a devastating, intense word that should come with a warning. To feel hatred is to feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone). Fierce.

Can’t say I truly hate someone and I hope not many people hate others, either. We need to learn how to reckon with our emotions and understand what we truly feel and why. What responsibility do you have toward your emotions? Take accountability for your actions, words and thoughts and ask questions. Your thoughts are merely stories that involve other people and ideas, so ask questions. And definitely don’t make any assumptions. Figure out if you are in fact feeling sad, mad, happy or hate, or something else. Then do something about it.

The closest I’ve come to feeling “hate” is when I feel cheated or misunderstood. If someone takes advantage of me or believes their assumptions about me (or them), then I can get sour. Emotional. It’s taken a while for me to realize just how emotional I am, and actually, how every human is. It can be devastating for me to see people react quickly to their emotions instead of investigating first. I see it everyday and I believe the more we work together, the less it’ll happen…

Be passionately in love, not hate.

Greener Than Grand

Chasing the theory of the “grass is greener on the other side” is usually sparked by a momentary luxury situation that is not day-to-day reality with a thirst for “I want more”. Spending a week at a beautiful casa along the beach in Mexico while sipping margaritas and sunbathing may prompt you to say “I want to move here!” but after the sun fades and the tequila bottles empty, the real cost appears. Bugs, severe tropical storms, lack of personal safety, language and cultural barriers, food borne illnesses and the cost of working and owning property in another country are all factors to consider for your new found “greener” grass.

The same applies to relationships.

Somehow, the soul of an unhappy human can take charge and fling that person into an impractical realm. When all along, they weren’t even aware of the vibrancy of the green below their feet…

Just like a Mexican casa, people can also be compared. Before you reach for your greener casa, communicate. Ask questions. Seek answers from the source, not from your thoughts. Assumptions and perceptions are game changers and usually lead you down a rabbit hole of constantly finding the “greener” grass.

Your choice. Keep searching or seek answers.

Call Upon Curiosity

Holding your thoughts hostage and isolating yourself leads to assumptions. Assumptions are stories that have no proof whether they are true or false. So, why would one lead themselves astray into a dark destination that has no solid foundation? May as well be in never-never land…

I’ve noticed that when someone experiences vivid emotions, they either break down or burst. They either take down themselves, quietly, or loudly involve others. Neither is desirable and both can be prevented. The cure then is curiosity and questioning.

Once you’ve realized how you’re behaving and what emotions you’re experiencing (there are more than sad, mad and upset!), next, get curious. Seek the truth in a joint effort, not isolation. Ask questions about yourself and the situation: What is it I believe that is making me feel this way? Do my emotions involve other people?

The more questions you ask, the more information you’ll receive, and the closer the truth will be. Truth puts your mind at ease because there is no room for assumptions. No room for bullshit, stories or myths.

Brené Brown, research professor of vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame, says it best:

Those that pause and ask questions, are those that rise strong. They reckon with emotion. The first step is to recognize you’ve been snagged with emotion and get curious about it.

But how many of you were raised to get curious about your emotions and talk about and explore them? How many of you were told to suck it up and push through? What are you feeling and what do you need to know more about?

Instead of reckoning with emotion, must of us offload it. We push it down. We numb it. We rage. We are much better at inflicting pain than feeling pain.

We are better at causing hurt, than handling hurt.

Instead of trembling, stressing, drafting assumptions, relying on perceptions and making rash decisions, get curious. Slow down, catch your breath, and ask questions. 

You aren’t alone. Don’t treat yourself like you are. Seek the truth from those involved, not just from your head.

Call upon curiosity.

Infliction Intensity

Only love can heal the wounds of the past. However, the intensity of our woundedness often leads to a closing of the heart, making it impossible for us to give or receive the love that is given to us.

~bell hooks

Practice What You Preach

Our values dictate our recommendations for our world. When you believe in or have an appreciation for something, you’re likely to share that with others. This sense of pride is associated with being an “adviser”. It is relatively smooth sailing to be an adviser and speak to those with confidence about whatever it is you want to share. In your mind, it can position you higher than your audience and provide this sense of wisdom. It brings great pleasure.

When the tables are turned and you are faced with the words you’ve spoken to your audience, do you follow or fumble? Being a role model of the values you’re trying to teach others is the most powerful way to spread the message, yet it is the most difficult to do.

Follow yourself. Practice what you preach.

 

Kill It With Kindness

At the end of the day, why does it matter?

At the end of the day, what is most important to you and how have you expressed that?

At the end of the day, are you your best self? 

For me, it is the people in my life that are incredibly important. And sometimes heated emotions can take over and cause conflict in my head. My actions and words don’t always reflect what I am feeling deep inside. I want to be proactive, not reactive, because human nature isn’t always pretty or thruthful. If we feel we’ve been let down, misunderstood or treated unfairly, negative emotions may take control of us. But chances are, whatever or whoever was a part of those negative feelings, did not act with that intention. There is more to the story…

And at the end of the day, I want to make sure I am my best self. I want to kill them with kindness; show people my loving, positive character and those closest to me, just how much I appreciate them. 

Because at the end of the day, the trivial things don’t matter. Assumptions don’t matter. And living with a bad taste in your mouth isn’t going to help you or anyone around you.

Communicating with calmness and kindness, will always surface the truth, and your best self.

It is our narrative that determines who we will become ~Seth Godin

Ditch the Script

The amount of conversations I’ve been a part of has led me to value those who speak their own words. Who turn words into their own language and communicate in a way that is memorable, while meaningful.

The word “script” is a dirty word in my eyes and its purpose should vanish. There are so many ways to describe an object, person, place, or thing, so why do we want to tell the same story as the person before us just did? What strikes us to speak in a way already spoken?

Initiating a mundane conversation about the weather and using obvious words that describe the current situation, is a waste of your originality. Be bold. Think big. Be confident in your speech. Don’t be afraid to show character because this, is what people respond to best. Your use of words should be as original as your style, your thoughts and your imagination.

Make art with your words because we already have enough fluff to sort through.